“Tadaima!” I annnounced my late arrival.

I heard the crickets, and a stubborn silence in response.

The stairs croaked under my feet as I carefully ascended them. Where were they? Usually, I would hear a storm of feet from my sister rushing to greet me. Or my mom would call out to me to help her out in the kitchen.

My tired feet instinctively took me towards my room, down a dark hall past my sisters bedroom. I saw her door letting through a crack of light. I smiled and rapped lightly on the door before letting myself in.

The room was the usual, neat and tidy, a slight trace of feminine pink, with an eternal fragrance of spring lingering in the air. I had always thought it was because she opened her windows but the aroma was there even in the winter. The lights were on, casting a soft warm glow throughout the room, but with one look I could tell my sister was fast asleep, flat on her face.

I grinned. How could someone sleep like that?

I reached for the blanket and pulled it over her shoulders. She looked angelic fast asleep, but I knew better. She looked like she fell asleep clutching her cell phone. Glancing at the screen it looked like she was composing a new email, but she hadn’t written anything yet. I was about to turn off the phone for her but thought better of it.

Instead I found myself back in the hall, ready to retreat to my room and call it a day, but the sound of low but intense voices drew my attention.

Upon further inspection it was coming from my parents’ room. What’s going on? Things were just about to get more complicated.

“Hmm?” I said

We were sitting on a bench outside, cracking open our cans, and sipping from drinks we just purchased. The sun was scattering its rays everywhere, reflective surfaces twinkling and dancing.

It had been silent between us for a while. It’s strange how no matter how close two people are, after a long time, they will become quiet and unfamiliar with one another. That’s the way people are isn’t it?

I heard my cousin sigh. “I’m leaving tomorrow.”

“What?” I was surprised. They never stayed for such a short time. “That’s a bit too soon.”

She shook her head slowly. “I still have to get back to school. My dad had a business meeting two days ago so I tagged along.”

“Ah sou ka.” I said. I didn’t know whether I felt good or bad about it.

“Remember?” Aya pointed at the park nearby. “When I was still here, we found a stray puppy?”

I let out a chuckle. “Of course. We wanted to keep him but your parents wouldn’t let us.” It was years ago, we were still in elementary school and Aya still lived in Osaka.

She smiled. “We ended up building a dog house and keeping him in your backyard without telling my parents.”

“Those were the good old days. No worries, no problems.” It felt good reminiscing about the past. I missed a part of our old selves. There was nothing to stress about and we were free spirits.

“Things changed hasn’t it?”

I sipped from my can. “Mm.” Time flies by.

There was more silence for a while. I heard the birds chirping on a nearby tree.

“I have to ask you something..”

I looked at her. She bit her lip. I didn’t have a good feeling about this. I heard her exhale slowly.

“Do you like me?”

I looked at her. I was kind of expecting something like this. But I didn’t want to answer. I’ve already hurt Saori.

“Mm.” I smiled at her.

“Then how come you don’t look like you’re enjoying it?”

“Huh? I’m just a bit tired and worried about the schoolwork I have.”

She continued as if she didn’t hear me. She exhaled again and turned to face me. “I like you.” She said simply. “But how come I feel like you don’t? Tell me the truth.”

I took a long draught from my drink. The sun was starting to dim, a hint of an overcast sky was on the forecast.

I looked into her pleading eyes. It was ridden with hidden pain. I realized I couldn’t keep this up any longer. I can’t hurt another one of my friends. Whether or not it was something she wanted to hear, I realized it must hurt to not know the truth.

“I…” I struggled to begin. “I like you the way you are. To me you’ll always be my dearest cousin. Time will never change that. I will always remember the memories we shared.” I paused. This was it. “But I can’t see you as anything more than a cousin.”

“Sorry.” I added

I saw tears welling up in her eyes. I stopped.

She smiled weakly. “It’s okay. I already guessed.” She wiped her eyes. “I just had to hear it for myself. That’s why I came.” She looked down at the ground. Clouds had overtaken the sun.

I suddenly had a vision of Aya on the plane flying to Tokyo, determined to see me to ask me this. This whole time… She was struggling. I blamed myself for not being sensitive. Just because she went to a prestigious American school I had forgotten her feelings. But there was nothing I could do for her now. She looked so lonely. She seemed so much more mature.

She looked up at the sky. “But I’m coming to Japan for summer exchange. I will still wait for you..” She had a glint of hope in her eyes. “I’ll wait for your answer okay?”

I could only nod and give her a reassuring smile. Why was it that everyone around me was getting hurt? Worst of all, there was nothing I could do.

Next Chapter

It was the first time I’ve seen her since she ran out of the bar, glistening tears in her eyes. There was an unfamiliar awkwardness between us. And the wide Ginza street seperating us was not an inaccurate analogy for it.

But without a doubt I knew she saw me. Us. For a brief moment I looked at Aya-chan, and she smiled. I felt a shot of guilt coursing through my body. I wondered what Saori was thinking.

I hadn’t talked to her since, putting off calling her again and again. Was our friendship over?

I heard the signal for the light change, and I knew we had to walk towards Saori. I had to stop her and say something, anything.

“Ikou!” Aya grinned and we went forward together.

Compared to my friendship with Saori, Aya was just a visiting cousin. I felt somewhat betrayed, for my aunt and uncle to think that the two of us were an item, when they only returned to visit every three years.

We were nearly at the other side of the street. Where was Saori? My eyes wandered through the crowd and didn’t find that bright yellow. Where could a colour that bright have gone? I swore I saw her. There was no mistake about it.

I paused in step and Aya stopped, turning around confused.

“Doushita no?”

I shook my head. “Betsumi.” I took one last look at the retreating crowds before following my cousin.

Next Chapter

Despite the long commute, crowded places and soaring sky-high prices, my parents went along with the flow. Quite reluctantly. I could see their smiles more strained than before. The Yara family didn’t even begin to notice. I couldn’t decide whether it was because we were sensitive to each other, or Aya’s parents were just plain ignorant.

“Sei-kun.” I heard my uncle call me. I must have been zoning out. I reminded myself to keep my composure. “How’s school going?”

“Oji-chan, you know I’m doing great as usual. Don’t worry about me.” I felt slightly disgusted at myself.

My sister giggled. “What a liar.”

The whole table laughed at the comment. But she managed to lighten up the atmosphere by degrees.

He grinned over his gold framed spectacles, his perfect white teeth glowing. “That’s good to hear.” He shook his head slowly, still smiling. “Having a sharp tongue as always.”

I shook my head humbly. I turned to Aya. “How are things going for you? Miss American prodigy.” I joked.

They laughed. “We’re actually transfering schools.”

“Really?” Are they transfering to Japan?

“Yeahh.” Aya began. “The program isn’t really quite for me.” She sipped from her cup delicately, elbows carefully brought in, both hands on the cup. She is the most civilized girl I’ve ever met. Luckily I managed put on a show to match. I just wondered if I would ever crack under the pretense.

“Where are you transfering?” My mother asked. She sounded more worried than me. I grinned at that thought.

“I’m transfering to UCLA in Los Angeles.”

“I see.” I said almost too quickly, relieved. Aya was a good friend but wherever she transferred, her parents tagged along too. And I didn’t want to hang out with the parents.

“But I’m actually coming over for summer exchange in the coming year!” She grinned. “Isn’t that awesome? We can hang out.”

I smiled back. “Cool. Sounds good!” I said with a tired smile.

Moments later, we were strolling down the street through the Sunday crowds. The sun was actually out today and its warmth was a welcome change. The streets were alive with commotion, men and women quite neat and tidy bustled about. Ginza was a high end shopping and commercial district, well known for its fancy flavours and dainty brand name flagship stores.

I glanced at my watch. It was two o’clock, I was starting to get frustrated in wasting my time, when I could be shutting myself in busy studying. I had a test later on in the week, and two term papers. It wasn’t the end of my troubles.

“Ah, Seiji,” Aya’s mother said, “We’re going to head to our hotel soon, why don’t you and Aya hang out longer?”

“Eh?” I said blankly.

“You haven’t seen each other for so long, you must want to spend some time together.”

I had nearly forgotten they were always trying to set us up. My mother didn’t help me out however, she agreed and told me to relax my mind and have some fun.

With that, they departed. Aoi turned and gave me a knowing look before following my parents.

I shook my head and grinned. “What are they doing setting us up?”

Aya smiled and ignored my comment. Instead she put her arm through mine. “Shall we go?” She said in perfect English.

I made a muted sound before falling in line beside her. Women don’t give men a choice was what I learned. Not for the last time, I wondered how to get out of this. For me, we were cousins, for Aya and her parents, we were husband and wife. I sighed.

We headed slowly down the Ginza streets, making little progress through the crowds. At the intersection we stopped for the light. Just as we were about to cross the street, something caught my eye. I blinked.

Saori?

Next Chapter

Service broke and we headed for refreshments or “tea time” as Aoi would call it.

“Sei-kun!”

I turned. I saw a flash of brown hair and I staggered back as someone collided into me.

Something uninvited was burying it’s face in my chest. I jumped back.

“Sei-kun!” The voice said again.

“Aya-chan?” My mother gasped. I couldn’t tell whether it was a delighted surprise or a horrified disappointment.

I looked at her, who had flung herself on me like a lovestruck puppy a moment ago. “Ah.” I said. I immediately collected my composure. “Aya-chan! It’s been so long!”

She beamed at me and politely bowed and greeted my family. My sister gave her a brief hug. She had picked up a sensitivity for adult situations and could always fit in.

“Why are you here?” I asked the obvious.

“To visit you of course.” She said a-matter-of-factly. She examined me and reached out to fix my collar.

I was still not used to having her around but stopped before I could refuse her when I saw Aya’s parents approaching us. Yara Aya and her family resided in America, where she studied at a prestigous university, only indulging in the “best of the best”. My cousin herself was not at all self-centered but unfortunately, it seems her parents are in a different world. Worse, they had set their eyes on me since childhood. As dictatorial as they were, they had pretty much arranged our marriage. They would have the strongest reaction if they were refused. I couldn’t see how I was the “best of the best”.

Luckily, my own parents were completely against this notion, as am I, although I could not refuse them outright. I could only hope every time they visit, for their departure. But for the time being, and the rest of their stay, our family would be wearing hours of fake smiles and pretentious talks.

“Seiji-kun!” Yara-san greeted me sternly. Both parents sized me up, as if hoping I hadn’t changed, which I was quite used to.

“Oba-chan, Oji-chan” I politely tipped my head. They smiled at my manners. I made a mental note if I ever decided to have them off my back I should disregard manners.

My parents jumped into the fray and greeted them with smiles and hugs. I gave them my best grin. But I could only wonder when this would be over. There are enough troubles to juggle.

Next Chapter

“Hey.” I said. “Great timing.” I looked at the time and grinned. My digital clock blared 12:30 in bright red numbers. But I would be finally able to take my mind off of my nagging suspicions and intuitive feelings. Maybe I’ll have some kind of sleep tonight.

“Konbanwa, Fish-san.” She greeted me.

“More like oyasumi nasai.”

She laughed.

Her cheerful spirit warmed my heart. It was like sitting in the eye of the storm. Things were brewing around me, without my knowing. But these phone calls wisked me away from here, flying through the clouds, to a land without any cares.

“What’s up turtle girl? Why so late?”

“Nothing really. I was wondering if you were asleep yet. But not many people sleep this early.” She drawled.

“Actually, I’m sitting in bed.”

I heard her microphone crackle as she giggled.

“Well, to tell you the truth, so am I.”

“Let’s have a slumber party then eh?” I replied wittily

She agreed, laughing.

“So what did you do tonight?” I asked.

“Nothing much..” She told me.

I raised an eyebrow, but of course she couldn’t see that. “It’s a Saturday night! Why are you doing nothing?”

“It’s my off day.”

“Off means off doesn’t it. Did you spend it with family?”

She hesitated. “I guess so..”

It felt like I had just said something wrong. I wondered why.

“What about you? What are you doing on a Saturday night?” She asked.

I gave her a nervous laugh. “Let’s just say I was spending it with my family too.”

“With your sister?”

“Yeah. I just took her shopping today. What a chore. Women these days…It’s like built in their genes, from such a young age.”

She chuckled. “Watch who you’re talking to about this.”

“Well, I’m not worrying. You can’t touch me. You don’t know where to find me. Besides, you could be a guy pretending to be a girl for all I know.” I grinned.

“That’s going too far!” She paused. “But you never know. Who knows what kind of crazy people are out there.” She said, laughing.

“Yeah, like the old man who dressed up as a woman and shoplifted in a store.”

“Or the middle-aged pregnant woman who ran around naked..” She continued.

“That’s disgusting.” I replied. “How bout the kids who are paintballing up all the cars in the middle of the night.”

“Or the heretic sitting on the street who chanted songs to raise spirits from the dead.”

“Or the man who liked to run people over with his car.”
“Or …” She started. “Wait.. this is getting a.. little too far.”

I laughed. “I know! It’s night time so, let’s tell ghost stories.”

“No! I hate horror stories!”

I only laughed again in response. “You suck. But I won’t go there.”

There was a bit of silence over the line. I was getting tired.

“What are you studying in university?” She never told me whether she was a student or not. It always seemed like she was avoiding the subject.

She didn’t reply. She seemed to struggle with herself. “I don’t go to school.” She finally said.

“Oh.” I was surprised. What was she doing at the university that time before then?

“I would be a freshman if I went to university.”

“Ah. Same as me.”

“You’re in first year?” She asked, surprised.

“Yeah. What did you think I was?”

“Wakanai yo…”

“I’m not that old.” I laughed. “I honestly don’t want to turn 20 yet. I’m still a kid.”

I heard muffled laughter. “Fish kid. When’s your birthday?” She asked.

“March 22nd” I replied. “I have a few months to go, don’t I? When’s yours?”

“October 6th.” She replied.

“I see. So you’re younger than me…”

There was a moment of silence.

“Sou ne…”

I hesitated for a moment. “Hey, so… how come you don’t call your friends up?” I blurted out without thinking.

It remained silent on the line. Then she said quite softly, “Not many people want to listen.”

I felt a flow of emotion through the line, tinted with sadness and loneliness. I wondered what she went through to feel like this. Moreover, what should I say?

“Well…” I began. “Don’t worry… I’m here… I’ll always listen.” I reassured her. I was surprised, upon hearing myself say that. It was something out of instinct. I was definitely not the type of person to carelessly act before calculating things through. Yet, I had an urge to comfort her. I wasn’t sure what it was.

There was more silence. Then a simple soft, “Thanks.”

“No problem. I think we all go through this…” I paused. “Ja, yoroshiku ne? When I need someone to talk to, I’ll call you up.”

“Sure.” She mumbled.

That was the last thing she said. It remained silent over the line. I couldn’t help but laugh to myself. She had just fallen asleep.

“Turtle girl…” I said. She of course didn’t reply. “I’ll call tomorrow night.” I smiled. “It’s a slumber party isn’t it?” I paused a little. “Sweet dreams.”

Then I hung up and climbed beneath my covers.

That night I slept quite comfortably.

Next Chapter

We were sitting on a bench in Yoyogi Park now, contemplating the onigiri that we just purchased from a convenient store nearby.

I must have looked deep in thought, as Aoi was now staring suspiciously at me like I had just committed a heinous crime. I was now under interrogation again, with my overly perceptive younger sister the questioner.

The image of Shinta darting down the street played back again and again. There was something… odd that bothered me. I couldn’t quite figure out what it was. However, seeing Shinta reminded me of Saori. But I couldn’t bring myself to explain all this to my sister.

Smiling, I took the bottle of pop from her, “Nothing.” I said. Which was true, I wasn’t planning to get involved so there’s nothing to worry about. I’ve provided enough trouble to my family in high school. I took a long draught out of the bottle and passed it back to her.

She only raised an eyebrow and remained silent.

I let the silence settle. The sounds of the birds happily chirping above, was a juxtaposition of my state of mind. I should learn to be like the birds of the air, never afraid, always happy, despite the seasonal changes. Winter was coming.

We got up to leave, and catch the subway home. Now laden with multiple bags of clothing, which were all purchased at record prices, we meandered our way home, victorious, but our wallets a bit lighter.

Again the subway platforms were packed. It was the waiting game. But once the doors open, it becomes a war game. I glanced around, weighing my enemy. My enemy was everybody else. We will have to get on board fast. A second look around brought my attention to two men in black jackets. Were they the two I saw earlier, pursuing Shinta? I stole a glance at Aoi who was completely unaware, short enough to have her view blocked by a few bodies.

I kept them in my sight as we boarded the subway car. They were only a few feet away from us. The subway began to move, and I noticed they were carrying a bag. From the way they were moving, I assumed the bag was heavy. What was inside? Money? Drugs? A dead body? I laughed inwardly at the last possibility. I was too paranoid. This wasn’t any of my business.

I turned back to my sister, but out of the corner of my eye, I caught them glance at me. What was that for? I didn’t want to know the answer. Nor did I bother to find out, we managed to get off at our station safely and headed home.

Next Chapter

“Oni-chan has a girlfriend!” I found an immature and overly bubbly sister that morning at the breakfast table.

I didn’t bother to reply and stuffed myself with toast.

My mom beamed and looked at me with smiling eyes, “Our boy is all grown up.”, speaking to me like I was a five year old. Not to mention, it’s not as if I haven’t dated before.

My dad decided to join in. “When are you bringing her for dinner?”

“She’s just a friend.” I managed to say. Which might be not too far from the truth anymore. Knowing her name might help though.

I glanced up to see three grinning faces which had “I don’t believe you” plastered all over. I sighed.

In the afternoon, the parents left to run errands and I decided to take my sister out. We both didn’t feel like staying at home, restless and fidgety. Seeing how the only car left, our ancient Honda broke down recently, we settled on taking the subway.

As usual, the subway was jam-packed and it was a jostle to get on board.

“Where are we going?”

“Where do you want to go?” Was my reply.

She smiled roguishly. “You haven’t taken me shopping in a while.”

I made an involuntary sound. Shopping with women is the worst chore a guy can ever do. They tend to take hours for something I would’ve taken a minute to get. For an average lifespan of 70 years, I sometimes wonder how many years are spent shopping.

Nevertheless, there wasn’t much else I felt like doing. Watch a movie? We could do that at home. Hitting a few live houses or music venues? It was one of our hobbies but I wasn’t so keen on having my ear drums blown out today. Akihabara? The electronics district featuring maid cafés? I just splurged on a new mp3 player and am still paying off my laptop. I actually felt like travelling and seeing the country side, and taste some specialty dishes of a far away region but it was quite obvious we didn’t have time for that.

So I promptly agreed before she could suggest anything worse, just as the chime tones sounded and doors of the subway car closed.

Shortly later, we scampered out of the subway, joining the flood of pedestrians on the streets. We were in Harajuku, probably known as the most outrageous and trendy youth fashion centers in town. Even I had to agree this was a fun place to shop. It was fun enough to window-shop, looking at the mannequins on display dressed in a wide variety of colors and outfits, draped in flowing cloths and veils, skin-tight form-fitting scandalous clothing, and patterns, lines, combinations of all kinds. Half of this stuff you would not see on the streets. At least not on human bodies. But luckily, Harajuku district also had its fair share of discount boutiques and regular youth fashion.

We found our way through the bustling horde and Aoi cut a route into a shop. I could definitely trust her navigation, as it seemed like she had a built-in tracking system for budget clothing, as well as a keen sense of smell for fashionable outfits.

The store was not too small but a comfortable size, enough that the shopkeeper won’t have to strike up a conversation, yet not so big you don’t know where to start.

“Irashaimasu!” A 20-something store employee greeted us enthusiastically with the usual warm welcome. We tipped our heads politely. “All clothing, except for winter jackets are on sale up to 50 percent off!”

As expected, Aoi managed to land a place with good deals on her first try. Surprisingly, we were able to find good deals at this time of the year. If we were intent on a shopping spree we would have to try during or after Christmas. Now all there’s left is to land a juicy find. I half-hoped she would be done shopping after this store, but there would be no way that’s happening.

I found her wandering over to examine a striped and checkered fall jacket, brandishing blacks, red browns and greys. The price tag was labeled 5800 yen, then crossed out with red marker, the numbers 2300 bolded and circled. Which was a considerably giant price drop.

Seeing how the entire store was for ladies, I let my eyes wander, skipping hastily over the lingerie section, and instead ending up sparking a conversation with the shopkeepers.

“Hi, how are you?” The employee met my glance.

“Not bad.” I gave her a small knowing smile, and she smiled back with a glance at Aoi. I grinned. “This is such a chore.”

The store employee chuckled. “I would guess so. Unless you wanted to cross-dress or something.”

“I would pass on that.”

“So are you a student?” She asked, killing some time.

“Yeah. At Meiji. Studying … believe it or not, English Literature.”

“Ah, sugoi. That’s pretty cool. So you must be amazing at English?” She mused.

“Maybe…”

There was a moment of silence. I looked around again, taking in it’s trendy neon glow lights, graffiti’d and tagged walls, an assortment of colours. The place was not impeccably designed, but it had an overall attitude which blazed the word spunk all over. My sister was still browsing. There was a prompting sense of guilt however, I was supposed to take her shopping, which I assumed was meant to be a bonding experience between brother and sister. Would I be doing the same if I came here with my girlfriend?

The question was haunting and I sighed, slowly walking over to my younger sister. But just as I turned, something or rather somebody caught my eye in the window.

Squinting in between the row of mannequins in the window display I recognized an uncannily familiar shag of brown hair, boasting proudly bleached highlights, bobbing down the street, right past the store windows. He was walking fast, darting and ducking expertly through the crowd, disappearing numerous times in between people. I moved to the window and sidestepped around a few of the display models to gain a better view. He was crossing the street now, and hurriedly glancing every now and then over his shoulder, with a look of worry on his face. Shinta-san, what are you up to now?

It was intuition, but I had a feeling the two men in black bomber jackets who charged through the crowd at approximately the same speed as Shinta-kun had something to do with this. My leg muscles twitched and involuntarily, I was just about to walk towards the door, but had second thoughts.

I remembered Saori’s look of concern. Don’t get involved with them, she had said. Reminding myself of the last few times I was tangled up in another person’s mess, I stopped my feet from moving.

Besides, hadn’t I decided my “friends” were no longer of importance to me? They were only there to take advantage of me. Only coming to me if they had problems, as if I was god. For years, they treated me to lunch, invited me to parties, only if they had a request. My “popularity” was only because I kept my cool, was a nice guy, getting along with everybody, and always being helpful. I had decided care less. If they had problems, deal with it yourself. And now, even probably the only true friendship in my life was estranged.

I looked one last time at the disappearing Shinta, and spun an about-turn, returning to my sister. She was still shifting through the racks of clothing. I smiled as I watched her. There were people more important to me to protect.

Next Chapter

“Nah.” I half-heartedly replied before accepting the call.

“Moshi moshi.” I still sounded tired.

“Hey.”

“What’s up?”

My sister edged herself closer to my phone. I pushed her away.

“Nothing much, I’m just a little bored.” I heard a soft voice say. “Are you doing anything?”

Aoi probably caught what she said and exploded into a fit of giggles. I glared at her. Even a overly mature thirteen year old has her immature episodes. “Oni-chan has a girlfriend!” She said a little too loudly.

Instead, I pointed at the bedroom door. She managed to chant her new song a few times before leaving for the TV set to announce her new “finding” to our parents. I found it quite amusing, as ironically, I didn’t even know her name.

“Sorry about that.” I said. “I’m free now. I just got my sister to leave.”

I heard a quiet laugh over the line. “I can hear that.”

“Such a pest at times. But I could say she’s pretty darn cool.”

“That’s sweet of you to say that. So you two are good friends?”

“Ah. I guess you can say we’re pretty tight.” I paused. “Actually, I want to thank you for calling me right now.” I added before I realized what I was saying. I was feeling a bit too relieved that my caller wasn’t someone else. But what I said wouldn’t make much sense without explaining myself. And explaining myself meant a long story.

As expected she asked, “What? Why?”

“Nothing really.” I couldn’t bring myself to “make things sound nice” anymore, since we have been doing that for the whole evening. Instead I generalized. “Just lots of worries in life. Too much to think about.”

“Sou desu ne…” She sounded thoughtful. “Everyone has their worries.”

“Yep.”

“You don’t sound like you want to talk about it.”

“Nope.”

“I understand. Just don’t keep it all bottled up…speak up if you ever wanted to say anything.” She said. After a moment, she sounded cheerful again. “Ja, let’s change the topic!”

I didn’t skip a beat. “My pleasure.” I grinned. “How come it’s always you calling me?”

She laughed. “Because YOU don’t call me.”

“And I should call you because?”

“You called me first.” She countered.

“Called you first?”

“Yeah…you’re the one who found my number and decided to call a stranger! I’m almost expecting you to ask me out by now!” She jokingly said.

I laughed. “Ah. That.” She was definitely succeeding in getting my mind off of reality. “This is about the… what? Fifth conversation we’ve had?”

“The sixth. Counting the first one, when you said you had the wrong number, it would be the sixth.” She firmly said.

“Right…” It was funny she’s counting, seeing how I found her number in the first place. “So I guess we can’t say we’re complete strangers anymore.”

I thought she grinned. “I guess not. So are you going to ask me out now?”

I gave a snigger. “Girl, you are sure desperate.”

“It would be funny if you believed me.”

“So, will you go out with me?” I asked with all the seriousness I could muster.

Then we both broke out into laughter. I felt like laughing somehow, but it really wasn’t that funny. It was refreshing somehow to be so carefree, and not have a care in the world about what I was saying. She didn’t know me and I didn’t know her, it didn’t really matter what we said or joked about. I had already forgotten everything I was struggling with before. After a moment she continued.

“It would be funny if I said yes.”

“Yes it would be.” I replied.

“You wish.” She said softly, as if thinking about something else. She seemed to snap back to reality and tried to cover up with a light laugh.

I suddenly thought of Saori for some reason. And had an epiphany. I finally understood why it was so different between us now. I remembered her last words. “I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you.” It was so packed emotionally, I couldn’t believe I missed that. I couldn’t believe I responded the way I did to that kind of a statement. I was truly insensitive. But there was no way I could come up with a proper reply. I couldn’t accept her feelings, because I couldn’t reciprocate them, assuming they were what I thought it was.

Anyway, how was that possible? We’ve known each other for so many years, there was no way it can be anything more. There was a pang of loneliness again. It felt like I lost a bit of myself. Saori and I were connected in some way or another, whether it was purely friendship or something more.

I realized I tuned out as my anonymous caller on the line was trying to get my attention.

“Mystery caller?”

I snapped to. “Eh? What?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

She made a neutral sound.

“Don’t worry. I’m fine.”

She tried to spin things around. “I wasn’t worrying! I don’t even know you.” I heard her smile. Then she went on. “So I was saying, I don’t really want to call you mystery caller anymore. It’s getting to be a mouthful to say.”

“We should have nicknames of some sort. If I had met you online, we might be calling each other by usernames.”

She agreed. “So I’ll dub you Fish.”

“EH?? What the heck is that?”

She sounded really cute, half giggling half laughing.

I grinned, “I’ll dub you Turtle.”

“I see. That’s how it is.” She tried to pout and sound angry but only succeeded in another fit of laughter.

“So Turtle girl, I have to go.” I told her. I didn’t really but I suddenly felt like I needed to call Saori, though I hadn’t the slightest idea of how to do that. I added, “Actually, somehow, you cleared up some of the things I was thinking about.”

She laughed. “Like how you did when we were chatting about a cloud.”

I smiled at the fond memory. I remember the bright and glorious sunshine of that day. The feeling of freedom and the desire to dream, manifesting itself literally in the form of a fluffy cloud and an endless clear blue sky.

“Ja,” She said. “Mata.”

“Ah. Ja ne.”

I hung up.

I spent the rest of the evening staring at my phone wondering how to go about calling Saori.

I never did.

Next Chapter

As per routine, my parents turned on the evening news. I retreated back into my room with my sister in tow.

“So are you actually doing well at school?”

She looked at me and then plopped herself on my bed. “Not really.”

“That’s what I thought.” I nonchalantly switched on my high-powered computer that I built together with my dad.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

I shook my head. “Nothing.”

“Are YOU doing well?” She countered.

“I just flunked one of my essays. But it’s all good isn’t it?”

She grinned, her eyes twinkling. It was always between me and my sister, where we can actually have a good talk.

“How’s mom and dad doing? You know they keep saying they have good luck and all, but I doubt half of that is true.”

“They’re always out over time recently. I cook my own meals.”

I looked at her closely. I just realized she had matured so much. She seemed tired, a trace of an air that a full-grown adult might carry.

“What?” She asked.

“You’ve grown.” I said for the second time.

She smiled this time.

“Sorry I’m not home more…” This felt so wrong. We sounded like we were carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders, when we should be enjoying the glory of our youth. I realized I couldn’t even enjoy myself with friends anymore, everything feels like a burden. I sighed. “I didn’t know it was like this.” Then I smiled. “But I’m proud of you. I know mom and dad will be fine with you around.”

“Aww… oni-chan, we understand.”

“No, you don’t really. University isn’t really that hard. I don’t know what’s taking up my time, but it seems I’m never home…”

She could only shake her head to reassure me.

A few seconds of silence passed. Suddenly my phone rang, a familiar ringtone beginning with the up tempo chorus of a song breaking the peace.

I wondered who it was. Saori was the first word that came to mind. Was she finally calling back? I wouldn`t dare pick up, I had no idea what to say. Sorry for hurting you, even though I still think I’m right? Leave me alone but we`ll still be friends? Shinta? Was he in some kind of trouble already? Bleeding from wounds and asking me for help?

“Your phone is ringing.” Aoi stated the obvious and raised an eyebrow at me.

I looked at the handphone and was ready to just let phone ring but decided to take a look at the caller ID. I picked up the phone slowly. Saori? Instead it said Mystery Girl. I breathed a giant sigh of relief. She was probably the only caller I would pick up in this state of mind. Somehow, little did I know, her calls would become my sanctuary, an escape from reality.

Next Chapter